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Dog Owners'
Fitness Programme
You've seen those
ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts of contraptions. Well,
there's no need to invest in fancy equipment. If you have (or can borrow) a dog,
you have everything you need to get in shape now! The following exercises can
(and will) be done anywhere, anytime. Inner Thighs:
Place the dog's favourite toy between thighs. Press tighter than the dog can
pull. Do not attempt bare legged - dogs that favour shortcuts to success will
just dig the toy out. You could be damaged. Upper Body Strength:
Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out of the flowerbed. Repeat, repeat,
and repeat. As the dog ages, this exercise is reversed - onto the couch, onto
the bed, into the car and so on. Balance and
Coordination: Exercise
1) Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places. If they're too small for him,
they're certainly too small for you. Do it anyway! Exercise 2) Practice not
falling when your dog bounds across the full length of the room, sails through
the air, and slams both front paws into the back of your knees. Exercise 3) (for
use with multiple dogs) Remove all dogs from lap and answer the phone before it
stops ringing. Exercise 4) (alternate) for older dogs, attempt to cross a room
without tripping over the dog. Get off your couch without crushing any part of a
sleeping elderly dog. Upper Arms:
Throw the ball. Throw the squeaky toy. Throw the Frisbee. Repeat until nauseous.
Upper Arms: (alternate) Tug the rope. Tug the pull toy. Tug the sock. Repeat
until your shoulder is dislocated or the dog gives up (we all know which comes
first). Hand Coordination:
Remove foreign object from locked jaw. This exercise is especially popular with
puppy owners. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Remember, this is a timed exercise.
Movements must be quick and precise (think concert pianist) to prevent trips to
the vet, which only offer the minimal exercise benefit of jaw firming clenches. Calves:
After the dog has worn out the rest of your body, hang a circular toy on your
ankle and let the dog tug while you tug back. WARNING: This is feasible only for
those with strong bone and small dogs. Have you taken your calcium supplement
today? Calves: (alternate) Run after dog - pick any reason, there are plenty.
Dogs of any size can be used for this exercise. Greyhounds are inadvisable. Neck Muscles: Attempt to outmanoeuvre the canine tongue headed for your ear, mouth, or eyeball. This is a lifelong fitness program. A dog is never too old or too feeble to "French Kiss" you when you least expect it! |
